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God’s 11 principles

If God had only had a committee of business writers to help him, I think he could have done a better job:

Single Author The Committee Version
1 I am the Lord your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before me. 


Our assets are our people, our culture, and our Lord, who motivated us to leave Egypt with a determination that has become our ultimate hallmark. Experience shows that if we serve the Lord well, our own success will follow.
2 You shall not make unto you any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. We make an unusual effort to avoid serving anyone else but the Lord.
The threat of severe punishment unto the third and fourth generation is intended to align our interests with those of the Lord.  


3 You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain. We try to be unswervingly dedicated to avoiding disrespectful or discourteous behavior towards the Lord.
While individual rights are encouraged, not mentioning his name will always be a good policy, and an important part of our success. 


4 Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Our goal is to work hard and play hard: to this end we encourage our people to totally relax on weekends.
We would rather be rested than win by overwork. In keeping with our diversity policy, we require that our son, daughter, maidservant and manservant, even our cattle and strangers, cease from work too.
5 Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God giveth you. We take great pride in our heritage and ancestors, more than most other peoples do.
We think this is a vitally critical part of our culture. 


6 You shall not kill. We believe it is unwise to denigrate, maim, incapacitate or eliminate our enemies, except when the Lord thinks it really necessary.
We know that eliminating idol-worshipers serves the Lord, but we must always be fair enemies.
7 You shall not commit adultery We insist that our people avoid extra-familial sexual relationships of any kind, with woman or man or beast.
We require that they inform us in advance of any such pending relationships. We have no room for those who put their personal inclinations ahead of the Lord’s. 


8 You shall not steal. Integrity and honesty are the essential core of our ethos.
We expect our people to maintain the highest standards in all their interactions. To imagine otherwise would be unimaginable. 


9 You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. We regularly receive confidential information from the Lord and his prophets, sometimes in advance of things happening.
We will therefore never spread false information about our enemies. There is no need. 


10 You shall not covet your neighbor’s house, you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is your neighbor’s. 


11 We pride ourselves on having pioneered many of the practices that have become standard in the worship business. We have yet to find the limits to where this may take us.  


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